5. We live life from the viewpoint of victims, and we are attracted by that weakness in our love and friendship relationships. (Laundry List)
We live life from the standpoint of a victimizer, and are attracted to people we can manipulate and control in our important relationships. (The Other Laundry List)
Mostly, I am not attracted to relationships–I run away from them, so I would say that this does not apply, however…
We stop living life from the standpoint of victims and are not attracted by this trait in our important relationships. (The Flipside of the Laundry List)
Because we are whole and complete we no longer try to control others through manipulation and force and bind them to us with fear in order to avoid feeling isolated and alone. (The Flipside of the Other Laundry List)
…I am also no sure that what I am doing is healthy. I generally do not live as a victim, and I try not to control others. I slip every once in awhile, but mostly, as I said, I run away from people to avoid doing either of these things.
6. We have an overdeveloped sense of responsibility and it is easier for us to be concerned with others rather than ourselves; this enables us not to look too closely at our own faults, etc. (Laundry List)
We are irresponsible and self-centered. Our inflated sense of self-worth and self-importance prevents us from seeing our deficiencies and shortcomings. (The Other Laundry List)
I am more self-centered than worrying about others, but I definitely aware of my shortcomings. I am very aware. I feel as if I vacillate between two extremes–being self-centered and making it all about me and between helping others. When I get to my lowest places….I do everything wrong–in my mind anyway.
We do not use enabling as a way to avoid looking at our own shortcomings. (The Flip Side of the Laundry List).
Through our in-depth inventory we discover our true identity as capable, worthwhile people. By asking to have our shortcomings removed we are freed from the burden of inferiority and grandiosity. (The Flip Side of the Other Laundry List).
Hmm. Those give me pause. Perhaps I need to do another inventory and then ask for any defects I find to be removed?
7. We get guilt feelings when we stand up for ourselves instead of giving in to others. (The Laundry List).
We make others feel guilty when they attempt to assert themselves. (The Other Laundry List).
I’ve actually done both of these in the past, but I don’t think that’s the case anymore.
We do not feel guilty when we stand up for ourselves. (The Flip Side of the Laundry List).
We support and encourage others in their efforts to be assertive. (The Flip Side of the Other Laundry List).
Well, I don’t feel guilty for standing up for myself most of the time. I may not know how to communicate in the best manner–I’m still awkward and may come across as angry, but I do try. I hope that I support and encourage others in their efforts to be assertive, but I do know that I try very hard not to get in their way. I suppose that is a start.
One thing I have learned about recovery, is that we tend not to get it right the first time. We grow up with (or experience in our relationships anyway, if you aren’t an ACA like me) extremes. Everything is black or white, and there are no shades of gray. Part of recovery is being able to discover the gray and move forward in that middle ground, but it’s easier said than done.
I think this is why the two laundry lists exist. They show that black and white mindset. I also think that these lists serve as a sort of personal inventory for me, even though I had never intended them to be such when I began posting them. It’s been a long time since I’ve done an in depth inventory, and I suppose it is time for another–to give me a better idea as to what I need to work on.
I will continue with the lists tomorrow. Thanks for reading!
April Marie Cox 