I took a little hiatus from writing on here and focused more on fiction for awhile. Fiction writing for me is, in a very real sense, an escape. Fiction writing allows me to step outside of myself and work through whatever is happening in my life through a story. My blog, on the other hand, is more for posting the lesson learned after the fact.
Things were a little rough for me over the summer. Between problems at work and then ultimately financial problems–everything came to a head a few weeks ago.
Ultimately, my hours were cut in June, and I was on board with that as long as it was short term as I was burned out. August came, and I was finally getting back into the swing of things after being pretty wiped out, and I was told I was going to be starting a new case, hopefully at the end of August. There was a big rush in getting my availability updated–I had mentioned to my supervisor that I wanted to adjust my availability to help prevent further burnout. I got my availability in and then….heard nothing.
I was beginning to doubt that another case would happen, and my bills were beginning to pile up. I was behind on my car payment, and my rent payment was coming up (I usually pay quarterly with my financial aid refund, but I didn’t have enough for three months last time, so I had to pay for October). On top of that, a light came on the dashboard of my car, indicating that there was something wrong.
I was beginning to panic–and I heard God’s voice in my head and in my heart. “I’ve got you.”
“But this is just like what’s happened before.” This was my argument. The last time I tried to move away from my family, things blew up in my face, and I had all kinds of money problems, but God’s response was that no, this would not be like before, as long as I trusted him.
I don’t know how well I did with trust–after everything that’s happened, trusting anyone, even God is sometimes hard, but I really gave everything I had in trying to trust him. A few days after that, I got notice from work that they were going to have me start another case. On one hand, I saw God in that, but in the other, I remembered what had been said before–that I was to have a case at the end of August, and that did not happen.
The next thing I knew, the new case had shown up on my schedule, as tentative, but it was there, which is always a good sign. That meant that this case was almost certainly to go through, and although I still did not expect it to happen on schedule. I googled the symbol on my dashboard, and it turned out that I just needed to put air in one of my tires, which ended up costing me a couple of dollars as opposed to a couple hundred dollars or more.
I started the case on schedule last week, and have since been able to catch up on my car loan. Not only that, but my landlord has agreed to give me until the 14th to make a payment on my rent. Granted, he agreed to this, because my financial aid should be coming in on the 28th, so I can not only catch up on October’s rent, but pay November and December at the very least. I’m still not caught up on everything, but the most urgent payments are either resolved or worked out and will be resolved.
It’s strange, because a lot of times, I find God in my pain and in my suffering, because everything is going wrong, and I suppose in a way that is true–everything certainly seemed to go wrong the last couple of months, but I think this happened the way that things like this are supposed to happen. My choice to trust in God was everything. I feel like that was all that God was asking of me–trust Him, and then He took care of what was happening.