Laundry Lists Part IV

We judge ourselves harshly and have a very low sense of self-esteem.  (The Laundry List).

We deny that we’ve been hurt and are suppressing our emotions by the dramatic expression of “pseudo” feelings.  (The Other Laundry List).

I do have a tendency to judge myself harshly, especially when I am upset.  I’ve learned over time to have compassion for myself, and I am a lot better at this, but I still have my moments where I struggle.

We stop judging and condemning ourselves and discover a sense of self-worth.  (The Flip side of the Laundry List).

We accept we were traumatized in childhood and lost the ability to feel. Using the 12 Steps as a program of recovery we regain the ability to feel and remember and become whole human beings who are happy, joyous and free.  (The Flip Side to the Other Laundry List).

I’m finding that I have good days and bad days, and the more that I am around healthy people (or at least away from unhealthy people), the more good days that I have.  And then I will have flare ups, where I am not able to respond in a healthy manner–it tends to happen most when I am tired or pushed to my limit, and believe me, that has been happening a lot lately–between being injured at work, all the uproar with my caseload and my client still wanting to beat me up, and fighting with a friend….it’s been a little rough lately.  But I should still be able to respond like a mature human being despite all of that.  I’m getting better–don’t get me wrong, but I still have days where I just can’t do it.

We are dependent personalities who are terrified of abandonment and will do anything to hold on to a relationship in order not to experience painful abandonment feelings, which we received from living with sick people who were never there emotionally for us.  (Laundry List).

To protect ourselves from self punishment for failing to “save” the family we project our self-hate onto others and punish them instead.  (The Other Laundry List).

I’m pretty sure that I don’t do either of these.  Honestly, I tend to run away from relationships, although in the full relationships I do hold onto, I would say that the first one fits me best.

We grow in independence and are no longer terrified of abandonment. We have interdependent relationships with healthy people, not dependent relationships with people who are emotionally unavailable.  (The Flip Side of the Laundry List).

In accepting we were powerless as children to “save” our family we are able to release our self-hate and to stop punishing ourselves and others for not being enough.  (The Flip Side of the Other Laundry List).

 

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